The new normal

I had started writing my birth story a week back, but looks like the writing of the labor will take more time than the actual labor which was 15.5 hours. So stay tuned (or not) for the birth story full of excitement and intrigue coming to a blog near you. I could be finishing up that right now, but I don't feel like that. I just want to randomly write about stuff today, which, come to think of it is no different than any post I write here.

We are adjusting to the new normal here. When people say that a baby changes everything, boy, they are not kidding. I had to go to my office to pick up a package that came for me, and when I was walking up the stairs and getting into my room, it seemed surreal like I did all this a lifetime ago.

It is evening now and the house is quiet except for the dishwasher going on in the background. My child is on a life and death mission to double his weight in the next month, so he was nursing every hour in the morning. Now father and son are sleeping upstairs. I am downstairs in front of the computer. I know I am supposed to be sleeping when baby is sleeping, but somehow I don't feel like it even though I have been up half the night nursing, changing and rocking my baby to sleep. I am tired, but I am savoring this alone time right now.

Emotionally, it has been a crazy three weeks (more on that later) as well. I have been so thankful for the sisterhood of moms who called, emailed, and loved on me this time. Hubby is great, but he is not a woman and not a mom and so only up to a point did he *get* what I was going through. I will remember this time as the one in my life where logic and reason went for a trip and in their stead hormones came to party. I have never had PMS, and pregnancy hormones were nothing to write home about. The couple of meltdowns I had during pregnancy were over stuff I would have been upset anyway. So when the postpartum blues hit, it was so unexpected, I fell down in the middle of the road and got run over. I was crying a lot, there was stress over various things and physical recovery was slow. I still cry much easier than I used to, I hope that it will get better soon.

Baby sleeps right next to me and right now, he is most active in the night. So after feeding him, we lie next to each other and stare at each other. I look at him, trying to memorize every feature because he changes every single day. I sing to him "You are my sunshine" and put in his name instead of "only". Then I pray this blessing over him. Those are the most precious moments in my day. I thank God every day for our Nathaniel (gift from God- his name was derived from that) and I pray that we would raise him as God would have us raise him. Our attempts at parenting are sure to be pitiful at best, but God is faithful and his promises are steadfast.

He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young

Isaiah 40:11