Heavy Heart

It is close to midnight on a Saturday. I really should be asleep seeing as tomorrow is a Sunday and we need to be up early to worship. But sleep is elusive. My heart is heavy tonight.

My uncle, who was ready to get on a plane to visit his daughter and grandkids, suffered a stroke with seizures and is in the hospital in critical condition. Doctors are unable to do any tests on him as he starts getting the seizures again if anything is done. He is on life support and his whole family is gathered around him praying. Those of us who are miles and miles away are also praying. It is just hard though.

And today, I just found out that a friend of ours who used to worship with us is battling cancer. She is undergoing treatment, but apparently it has spread.

Also, in the last week, R's sister's FIL passed away. He was apparently in good shape, but had a heart attack, went into a coma and in 2 days was gone.

Hearing these things is hard. I want it all to be better for everyone. But we are not promised a pain free life. I am praying for healing and God's mercy for my uncle and friend. It hurts here on earth, but a day will come when there will be no more grief or pain and when HE will wipe away every tear.

Friendship Muse

Today I am thinking about friendships. I have never had a ton of friends, just a few good ones. I know it sounds corny, but my husband is truly my best friend! We tell each other that we needed to be as we are both home and are together all the time. haha. Being in a new city right after marriage, where neither of us had any friends or family really got us closer. To be honest, after a while, neither of us felt a need to be with anyone else. You could say we became a little antisocial. It was a different life for R as he had always been the life of the party back in Ohio where we met, but I was always a bookworm and a tad antisocial anyway, so I settled into our new life pretty well.

Since then, we have had friends come and go. I never felt a void or a need until Neil was born. It was at that time I really craved for some friends. I joined a meetup group so I could form some fun frienships with moms who had kids Neil's age. I went on playdates so I could discuss what our kids where going through at that stage and of course if they were SAHM as well, well, that would be fantastic. The meetup thing never worked out. Although, I had become a little bit more extroverted after being a mom, at group settings, my inner introvert always came out. I was frustrated. I looked at the blogs of moms and they were all surrounded with friends. I was jealous. It was not like I was asking for a lot, I was just wishing for a like minded friend in real life. I was unhappy.

I am not sure why it took me a long time to find the answer to that. But it came to me one day.

I was looking for friendships in all the wrong places. I don't mean the meetup group is a wrong place to look for friends. Or the church. Or Bible Study. But it could be, if I am looking for friendships for filling a void only God can fill. Had a rough mommy day? Take it to the cross. He refreshes my soul. Since coming to that realization, I have learned certain things. One is that you cannot force friendships. It has to click. I have experienced the not clicking with people who were great "on paper." And sometimes, you are looking for that great "in the same boat" likeminded friend that you almost miss the boat on people God brings to your life. (Pardon the pun) Singles, older married, and really old ones too :) I smile now, thinking how important it was to me to find mommy friends. I have learned a thing or two since then. And I am glad. I am also glad I found some new sweet friends. Who once called me while R was out of town and we chatted for 4 hours. :)

I have had good friends who drifted away with time, friends who call only when they need me (sometimes I am that friend!), and some great friends with whom we can pick up just where we left off. Those are rare!

What about you? Are you surrounded by friends? Do you feel the need for companionship?

Choices

Today I finally closed one chapter in my life. I was not actively working for the company I used to work for, but I was still on the roster and had not cut the ties completely. Not because I wanted to hang on to the job, but for various other reasons I just don't want to get in to in this post. I went there with Neil, got my pension papers. Instead of 401k matching, my company used to put a specified amount each year for all the employees. And now that I "retired", I was able to vest it. It is truly the Lord's provision (We had completely forgotten about it). R and I were talking about saving up for our tax return. This year we will end up paying a lot of money on our return and since we are a one income family now, saving is not quite that quick. Praise God for meeting our needs.

I joined work on January 2, 2006 and my last day of full time work was August 20, 2009, just before I left for maternity leave. After that I worked part time, from home, on call until July when I left for India. When I came back, I submitted my resignation, but nothing was acted up on until today. I walked out of the office for the last time today. There was a lot of drama since I re-joined work after maternity leave in 2009. God worked out the details such that I walked out with my head held high, a satisfaction of work well done and fulfilling Colossians 3:23

²³ And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, (Colossians 3:23, New King James Version)

Since we went to town, we made a half day out of it, by going to Babies R us, Costco and the insurance office to pay our van insurance. And being out half day, there was no time to prepare lunch, so Neil and I shared a n*ked (just want to stop the spam) burrito from Qdoba and got a subway for R. Neil fell asleep on the way back and I was just in a contemplative mood. Recently, I saw an email from a friend (who is in a very high position in a company) who has two kids. Being in a high and responsible position, she just gets home to have enough time to barely see her children before bath time and bed. Both husband and wife have great careers, so they have the best childcare etc. But she says she regrets not being able to see her kids grow and being unable to spend much time with them. Choosing to stay home with the kids or continuing with a career are intensely personal choices (If you are lucky enough to be able to actually make a choice and it is not focred upon you by things beyond your control). On the half hour drive back, I had an epiphany. When we make these kind of choices though, we are not really making a present day choice.

We are choosing regrets.

We are choosing 20 years from now what we will regret more. Not spending enough time with our children or not having had a career/paycheck. I know a lot of us don't have the luxury of choice. Circumstances force some who want to be with the kids to be at the workplace. And you will never find one word of condemnation or condescension for outside working mamas here. And I know that if our circumstance change, I will find work and work cheerfully in a heartbeat. But now, I have the blessed privilege of choice and when I thought about what would be my regrets, it was very clear to me that I have made the right choice.

Reflections on a Christmas Night

First of all, Merry Christmas to you all.

I had a wonderful two days. R and I celebrated 5 years of marriage on the 24th. He is a very very busy man, but he took off on the 24th and 25th and we just had a great time. I got a lot of gifts, but the best gift of all was some great time together. Christmas Eve was with our friends here and that was really nice too. It refreshed me so much to spend some family time.

I had decided not to do a tree this time, but I finally caved in and put it up 2 weeks before Christmas. For whatever reason, it really lifted my mood and cheered me up. I was in a down mood for a lot of days leading up to that, but the lit tree really made a difference.I didn't decorate as much as usual, but it was nice to do something.

R and I don't usually buy gifts for each other for Christmas, but Neil got a toy kitchen, a rock, roll and ride trike, a Duplos set and clothes. Okay, so he only really got the toy kitchen, the rest were all stuff that had not been opened before and which we decided to open today. At any rate, he didn't care. I got a bunch of really cute clothes from Gymboree totalling $216 for $36. Most of the stuff I bought is 2T and above. All I know is if God blesses us with another boy, he won't need a thing. For that matter, even if it is a girl, she won't need a thing until 1 year old. Most of what we have is gender neutral up till 1 year old.

Christmas day is winding to a close now and I can't help but reflect on the last year. I know that post is supposed to go up in a week, but I am just feeling reflective now. ha. It has been a good year. The Lord has been good to us and blessed us as a family. Personally, so many milestones for me. I quit my full time job for which I had trained 6 years of my life. It was not a very easy decision, but it was not as hard as I thought it would be, either. I had to pray a lot for God's guidance on that one. There was a lot of going back and forth until the decision became final on my part in October. I don't want to go into any details here, but it ended up with me feeling a bit sad on some counts. But I really enjoy being home. With my husband's business, and all the housework, and the little one, there is hardly any leftover time. Leaving my job has been a step of faith for us as a family as me being home full time was not something we had really planned on doing. But we all feel it has blessed our family collectively.

R has been traveling a LOT this year. Before, I used to wonder how I would manage Neil without his help. I remember the time he was born, I was terrified to travel with him by myself. Then I took him by myself on a 24 hour flight to India. So, I have improved in this whole motherhood thing. :) The traveling was insane for him this year and looks like we are having a similar year coming up.

I had two bouts of sickness and through it all, Gods grace was amazing. I am not saying that I want to get sick or experience pain like that. I hate being in pain. But there was purpose in that. Experiencing God's mercy, love of family, brokeness, for that I am grateful. Just as hard as the the pain was the feeling of inadequacy, helplessly watching others do what I felt I should be doing, feeling that I was not contributing. It was a good learning experience. I am praying for a healthier 2011.

The rain is falling outside and I am all warm and cosy here. Both my men are fast asleep upstairs. It has been half an hour now since I started writing. There is a glow from the Christmas tree that is warming my heart. I see the ornament of a little angel with "Believe" written on it. It is for the memory of a little angel that all but me has possibly forgotten. But that word is a reminder and a promise.

Believe. For I have seen the goodness of the Lord. Believe. For with God all things are possible.

I am humbly grateful.

Praying without Words

I am so excited today. My heart which had been heavy over the past few days is filled with joy. Recently, my uncle had an angioplasty done. At the end of the procedure he had a stroke, which happens less than 1% of the time. A lot of people around the world prayed and he kept getting better. The doctors thought it was a miracle because at his age, it was quite a quick recovery. Two days before, we were told that almost everything got better, but he lost his eyesight. When I first heard it, it was like a ton of bricks hitting me. I have always believed one of the hardest things to face is loss of eyesight. Twice before in my life I had a condition where I lost sight from one eye for two days and that was hard. My dad has only vision from one eye and I know he struggles with that. The personal experiences has really made me appreciate just how valuable eyesight is.

I was praying a lot for my uncle throughout the day when I first heard about the stroke, but the eyesight news just got me down. I hardly could pray out loud, but just sat mutely and prayed without words. Anyway, we got the news today that he got 75% of his eyesight back. And they are hoping it will come back fully. What a mighty God we serve!

I have this little poem hanging in my room.

I am not alone...

Sometimes I don't know how to pray. My words come
haltingly and I feel they don't get past the ceiling.
What a comfort
to know that the Spirit of God
is interceding for me even then.
While I may be struggling to pray, he is interceding for me
and telling God things
which cannot be expressed
in words.

Odds and Ends

Today was blog clean up day for me. I had some 10-15 posts sitting in drafts dating from 2007. Lots of times I have the ideas and phrases in my head which I want to develop into a post when I have the time, but as is often the case with me, I never get around to it. So, I deleted some of the drafts, put together into one draft rough ideas which I would some day develop into posts if that day ever comes. I have for a long time wanted to document travel memories for obvious reasons. There were many of those travel posts which never saw the light of the day because I wanted to include pictures. Pictures, unfortunately are not my strong point. Then there were those cringeworthy posts from back when. The writing is absolutely pompous and I am so glad I never posted it. I still kept it as a reminder to myself that my writing has improved in 2 years.

Anyway, not that there was any point to this post so far, I am hoping I would have some time over the next two weeks to do some things I have been putting off for a while. My energy levels are slowly returning and I hope that the sickness has gone to the land of no return. Along with doing things I have put off for a while, another thing I am planning to do is spend some blocks of time in prayer. I am inviting anyone who reads this blog to let me know in the comments if they have any specific request that you would want prayers for. If you are uncomfortable commenting, you can email me at annie.jaa@gmail.com

Pray without ceasing... 1 Thessalonians 5:17

2008 in a list

It is the last day in 2008 and a time of reflection, I thought I would do a recap of what is standing out to me this past year. You knew a list was coming, right?

1. To start off on a cheerful note, we had the best Christmas ever with close family I haven't seen in 3 years. That was such a blessing and we had the most wonderful time ever.

2. I was able to spend the beginning of the year with my parents who are 10,000 miles away and that was an incredible blessing too.

3. As a family we had some painful experiences -one as a couple, and another more personal for me when my uncle went home to be with the Lord in June. It is hard to believe he is no longer with us as he was one of the most dynamic and full of life person I have met.

4. Two families at church whom we are very close to moved/is moving. Their absence has left such a big hole in our lives.

5. We were able to travel to a bunch of places that we always wanted to and made some cherished memories.

6. A lot of family and friends visited us this year and we were blessed by their stay here with us.

7. I started the "Saturday unplugged tradition" and the days we did it, it has been such a sweet time. I just cook something extra nice or special, bring out the nice dishes, light some candles and have dinner. It could be just hubby and me or sometimes we have people over. But we turn off the tv, and computer and phones. We read, or play board games or go for a walk, or just talk.

8. I was able to read 53 books this year thanks to all the doctors that I had to see and the subsequent waiting at the office. My goal was 50 and I do feel a sense of accomplishment. I know you all probably read 100, just pretend like I did something, okay?

9. And with all that has happened in 2008, personally, professionally, the hills and valleys, ups and downs I can say with certainty that God is good all the time and all the time God is good. His mercies are new every morning.

And to the One who does exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think to Him be all the glory. I wish all my readers a wonderful Year 2009.

Even so, come Lord Jesus.

Giving Thanks

There is a lot to be thankful for as I reflect upon our life this season. Even as news from the doctor is not ideal and waiting periods seem longer, I can't help but thank the Lord for the innumerable blessings.

I was reading recently on a couple of different blogs about people complaining about their jobs and how they hate being on "someone else's" schedule and how they would rather be home etc etc. Then I got phone calls from two people who are leaving the US as they are unable to find jobs becasue of the failing economy. Listening to both aspects, I just want to take this time to express gratitude for my job. It is not the most exciting job in the world (I am not uncovering diamonds here), but it is a great job. It provides very good health insurance, which is crucial to me. Stress levels are low to moderate most of them being self induced. I learn a lot and it is fulfilling. I will be honest here, I love the fact that it enables us to do things like buy fruit irrespective of season, go on vacations and save for the future. It enables us to give to family, friends, sponsor kids and give to child care ministries.

Yes, I am very thankful to be a working woman and that the Lord provided me with this job. And I am very happy to be here until that time He reveals otherwise.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Bears and Mountains and Snakes Oh My!

We went to Smoky Mountains for the labor day weekend. A couple friend from Atlanta also joined us. If truth be told, I didn't want to go on this trip.

Case in point: Our black suitcase which has been in our bedroom since the last week of June.

Last week of June, DH went to Utah for 3 days. One week later, he went on a 2.5 week trip to India. Then I had to be in Marco Island for 3 days and 1 week later, I had to be in Naples for a week.

The suitcase has never left the bedroom. Now it is still there waiting for the packing for the cruise.

And all this travel had made me want to curl up into a ball and sleep through the entire long weekend. Enrgetic hubby had other ideas. I agreed to tag along as long as I could sleep in the car and not do any trip planning. The terms were agreed to by both parties and we set off on Friday. We have been to Yosemite, Grand Canyon, Yellowstone etc, so Smoky Mountains pales a little in comparison for us with regard to beauty. But bears and mountains? Never a bad deal. Plus, it was a good time with friends.

But something happened during the trip which made it very memorable.

We were on a hike to see a waterfall. I was walking a bit ahead and my husband and the other couple were behind. At one point they were far behind, but they soon caught up. Or in other words, I really slowed down. I just kept plugging along and suddenly I heard my husband call my name.

LOUDLY.

I stopped immediately. And looked down.

One single step ahead of me was a snake.

I didn't realize it was a poisonous rattle snake. Moments later, he told me that it was shaking it's rattle and ready to strike. I was close enough for the snake to feel threatened. When I heard that, I felt my whole body going weak and had to sit down on a nearby stone. I felt the trees around me spinning. It was a while before I could get up and continue walking.

The rest of the vacation went on without incident. I came back and read about rattlesnakes in wikipedia. Considering that we were kind of in the middle of nowhere (more than half way up the hill) and it would have taken a while to get proper medical help, the possibilities were very sobering. A loss of limb being one of them.

I thank God for his protection, that we are back safe and sound. But I realize how tenuous is the thread that separates life from death and how in that one instant our lives could have been irrevocably changed. That in one step, concepts like death, loss of limb suddenly could have gone from abstract "happen to other people" to concrete reality.

The story of a toothache

When I decided to start a blog, I was determined not to write stuff like I had cereal for breakfast, I plan to have chicken for lunch, I puked once today, roses are so pretty. In the course of 1.5 years, I think I did all that. Not only that, I have on my reader people who write that and I actually enjoy it. (Admittedly, not the throwing-up part.)

I must be getting older or something.

Anyway, all this to tell you about the toothache I had past Friday. Writing about that will leave no ground uncovered for the topics I discuss on this blog.

I had a wisdom tooth extracted about a month back, and I was hurting. That was normal, there was a lot of bleeding. I was whining and complaining, but I was still working through that. Then three weeks later, I had a temporary crown put in. It wasn't too bad, there were some slight complications, so it hurt a bit. But a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do.

Fast forward to Friday night. The tooth started hurting and I had 2 painkillers. Then I slept. I woke up bright and early Saturday morning with the pain. Such pain as I never had up till this point in my life. I could not sit, stand, walk, talk. I was rolling on the floor crying in pain. That was a new experience for me. I called my parents in India and I think I scared the living daylights out of them. (Sorry Papa and Mama!).

I called the dentist and left a message. I took two more painkillers and couple of hours later, my pain subsided. My dentist office called back and said they will call the pharmacy and prescribe antibiotics for me.

The pain never came back. It was the weirdest experience for me. The dental office said they never heard pain coming one week after the crown is placed. If there was an infection, I don't know why it never hurt again. At this point I don't have answers to that. What I do know is that prayers are answered. And I serve a God who cares for me.

And that is enough knowledge.

Update

Weeds have taken over the blog. Things are so hectic in real life I don't have time for blogging. It was and is one of the busiest times at work since I started working two years ago. In the midst of that there has been many doctors appointments. I had one yesterday (still recovering from that) and there is another one coming Friday. I am on medication which is making me grumpy most of the time. And bursting into tears any given moment. The last time I made a home cooked meal was 3 weeks ago. The house - the less said, the better. DH has been washing dishes for the past month without even mentioning the fact.

Although I am not sure where the dishes are coming from given that I am not doing any cooking.

That is a whiny update of what I have been up to. Despite the many appointments and uncertainties and things that tend to overwhelm, it is a comfort to remember that the One who holds my tomorrow is the one who is in control.

These Red Shoes

I own these red shoes. I think they are pretty. It matches a cute red outfit I own. Other than that they waste space in my cupboard. I cannot wear it as they have high heels and I cannot walk more than 2 minutes in them.

I was walking on my way somewhere and I saw it in the store. It looked pretty, I tried it on, and it fit. I forgot that I am not supposed to wear high heels because of my ankle problem. I forgot that my husband prefers that I don't wear high heels. And I forgot that I absolutely had no need to buy them as I own about 10 pairs of shoes in different colors and styles. And that is not including flip-flops. Yet, I did. I wore it once for a fancy dinner out with my husband. Red dress, red shoes and a red necklace.

I did look cute.

For about 15 minutes until after I got there.

After that all I could think of were my pinching legs and constant fear that I would turn my ankle. It was a dinner show presentation and there was some walking around to do. I was miserable when I got back home and I wrapped up my pretty red shoes and kept it away.

These are the lessons I learned from the pretty red shoes.

1. It might look good, seem to fit, but does not mean it is the right choice for you.

2. Know and appreciate your uniqueness as a person before you invest in something.

3. If you are married and your husband has an opinion on something, it is usually a good idea to give heed to him, especially if he is older and knows you very well.

Replace shoes with any of the new theories, isms, doctrines and whathaveyou and there is a good lesson to remember.

And as far as material things are concerned, it reminds me to be careful in what I am buying, storing up treasures this side where moth, and rust and thieves destroy.

A SAHD commentary and thoughts on grace

This post has been brewing in the back of my mid ever since I first heard the podcast of Kevin Swanson about stay-at-home daughters. I think he calls himself a pastor and he is the most graceless and arrogant man in cloth I have listened to. I don’t remember the entire message, but a few minutes of that was enough to make me irritated.

Truth be told, I have never heard that idea before of stay-at-home daughters before entering blog land. When I heard it first, I thought it was pretty weird, and 8 months later, after hearing both sides of the issue, I still do, although I kind of understand where they come from. I am not even going into detail on how people make it into a Biblical/sin issue. Maybe it is my background, but the very fact that some parents are denying their daughters college education raised a lot of red flags for me.

Kevin Swanson went into great detail trying to defend his claim for SAHD by name calling and all kinds of accusations. Some of his accusations were that women who go to college have 3 abortions; women who work outside their homes sell their flesh cheaply on a one night stand etc. Listening to him, I was trying to see how this whole SAHD movement started.

Feminism did not achieve what it started out to do. Instead of freeing women, the third wave feminism put a lot of pressure on them, and their stance on abortion is something I can never reconcile with. They started out well with the suffrage movement, but on the way, they went horribly wrong.

In my opinion from the single idea below, this is where it went.

1) Feminism caused a lot of problems in the society
2) The independent spirit is created in woman by being in the workforce, so let us take them out of there
3) They are home now, and children are a blessing from the Lord, so let us have as many as we possibly can.
4) Well, if we have all this education and it is only useful in staying home and looking after children, why bother going to college?
5) Oh, these many children are difficult to handle, and my daughters can stay home and take care of the other kids. Anyway she is going to be doing the same thing 5 years from now.
6) Enter Stay at home daughterhood

And then there is the other flow.

1) It is wise for a mother to stay home with the kids especially during their formative years. By the time the kids grow up, the mother cannot go back into the work force; she has been out of it so long. The mother feels her college education is a waste.
2) Well, if I am going to be a SAHM, might as well be a SAHW
3) If I am going to be a SAHW, might as well be a SAHD. Best not to be tempted by what the world has to offer.
4) Enter Stay at home daughterhood

I agree with the first point in both flows. And then it goes south.

There are wise decisions, and then there are scriptural decisions. For a mom to stay at home with her children might be a wise decision, that a family can make, but it does not make it a Biblical one. If it were a biblical one, it should be applicable all over the world. I know most of my readers are American, and you probably have no idea what life is like in a Third World Country. There is poop out on the streets, (not where I lived, thank the Lord!), no water from the taps. Kids are cloth diapered not because it is a fad or environmentally friendly, but people cannot afford it plain and simple.

The purpose of this post is not to make anyone feel bad. After all, people I look up to, love and admire are SAHW/SAHM. Feel free to comment for or against the post. I should also make it clear that I DO NOT judge individual choices. If you have been reading my blog any amount of time or have corresponded with me by email, you would know that. We all travel different paths. The Lord has all called us to different things. In the end, if it all glorifies Yahweh, rest assured we are on the right path.

I am proud of my biblical choice at this stage of my life to work outside the house and be a blessing to the household. And I have a large household. It includes my husband, our parents, mine and his extended family, church family, friends, starving kids in Africa, and poor families in India.

Let us all dear friends, extend grace to one another. To the mom of two whose kids are sick and who is working long hours, to the stay at home mom of a large brood whose finances are tight, to the single woman who is living alone, to the childless couple who is doing a lot of traveling, to the stay at home wife. I gave these examples as these are areas where we jump into conclusions and judge them for their choices. Most of the time, we do not even know half the story. Let us encourage and uplift.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs Eph: 4:29

Bookspeak

I am reading When Life and Beliefs Collide by Carolyn Custis James. I have been reading it for the past week or so, but that is only because I only have like a precious half hour (or less) a day to read. Sometimes not even that. I am only on Chapter 6 of the book now and so far I have really enjoyed the book. After I complete it, I will post a review. This book definitely deserves it. But today, I wanted to leave you with an excerpt from the book. It spoke to me on so many levels. I was amazed at God's faithfulness that he would lead me to read it on a day when I really needed to hear that message.

Each Christian is on a personal journey with God. Those who believe that God has a plan for them sometimes encounter another problem-the conviction that they have lost God's best plan for them. We know the feeling. Somewhere along the line, we zigged when we should have zagged, and now we are hopelessly stuck with Plan B. It only takes a foolish youthful decision, a missed opportunity, interference of someone else in our lives, or our sin, and Plan A is gone forever.

But if God is sovereign, then Plan B is a myth. No matter how dark things look to us, or how big the mess we are in, we are in Plan A. God's plan for us is intact, proceeding exactly as he intended, neither behind, nor ahead, but right on schedule. Nothing, not our sins, failures, disappointments, bad decisions, sins of others against us can deter a sovereign God from accomplishing his purposes.

If the realities of a sinful world and the failings of sinful hearts can deter his progress, then there is littel hope for any of us.

Our obedience is always flawed, our best efforts are never enough.

Praise and Prayer

I got my other missing bag. Currently doing a happy dance. I have not yet opened it due to the airlines' habit of delivering baggage at unearthly hours. Thank you dear ladies for all the prayers. It means a lot to me.

I also got a $50 gift certificate from them as a compensation. It is not stellar, but better than nothing.

It has been a stressful week. I am still suffering from jet lag of sorts. I have a mountain of laundry to fold, the Christmas decorations are still up, house is a mess. I come from work, look at it and wonder when I will get it all done. Then I wring my hands in despair and cook food and go to sleep. I do manage to keep up with the dish washing and that is about it.

Ok, I am going to stop with the whining. My posts lately have been somewhat whiny, I do realize that, but it is temporary. I promised to get back to regular programming sooner or later.

I would like to request prayer for one more matter. My sister was not doing too well and was taken to the emergency room yesterday. She has high temperature, vomiting and pain on one side of her body. She is probably going to be discharged this afternoon, but I would appreciate prayers being lifted up for her quick recovery.

And that is all for today.

Of passports and travel and thanksgiving

Updated to Add

I am excited. Four days of holiday. I have lots of things planned for these days. We are not going anywhere for a change. Staying home and tending to home like things. We do not celebrate Thanksgiving in any traditional sense, but I have been thinking today on all the things I have been thankful for. Last three weeks have been tough for me due to various irritations. It all started when....

It has been almost two years since I got married and I had never got a chance to change my name in the passport. Since we are "aliens" here in the USA, any of these processes is a pain in the behind and I just kept putting it off as a disagreeable task. Finally, my passport was close to expiring and I had to send it in to extend it for another 10 years. We do not have a consulate here in Orlando, so I sent it in to Texas for processing. I sent it in on the second week in September. The website said it takes two weeks to process mailed in applications. Meanwhile I booked my tickets for a trip to India (on November 10) to see family and spend a precious two weeks there. I had saved all my vacation time from work for this and was really excited about it.

I am sitting here (US) and writing this post and it is past November 10, so you know where this is going, right?

I get the entire application packet sent back to me about 17 days later rejecting it, on grounds that one of the forms were not notarized. The funny part is the form was not even in the website when I sent in my application. Anyway I sent in my application again in the first week of October happily.

Are you asleep yet?

Two weeks passed, and then three. I started getting a little worried. I called the Consulate. It took me hours to just connect to the receptionist or the lady who picks up the phone. She did not even let me finish talking. Her sympathetic response was: "If you have sent the application in less than a month, don't bother us. The processing time is 4-6 weeks. You should have brought in the application in person. This is what happens to mailed applications."

What I did not know was after I sent in my application the second time, they changed the time from 2 weeks to 6 weeks. I wrote emails, faxes, called them everyday. No one ever bothered. I told them about my ticket. I did whatever I could. I was traveling on a Saturday. Up until Thursday I held on to hope. I ran to the mail box every day after I came home from work. Only to be disappointed.

Again and again.

The office of the Consulate General of India, Texas is the worst, most unprofessional, rude and incompetent office I have dealt with since coming to the US.

(Oh Ewok girl and all the rest of my readers from Texas- When I said Consulate in Texas, it is not Texans who are manning the office. It is Indians. Indians who are so rude that when you request them something, they speak to another person in the office in their local language and laugh loudly while keeping you waiting on the phone. The reason why I linked to them many times is I am hoping that when someone does a google search this would come up. I am that irritated with them.)

Finally, they sent in my passport on the 12th after I had canceled my India flight and left to the Adirondacks for my training. Much as I loved my training, I would rather have gone home since I would have received training in March anyway.

Now here is the kicker of the whole thing.

When they sent in my new passport, they forgot to change my name. They rejected my application first time around because they did not have enough documentation to do a name change.

I will give you a moment to digest that if you are still reading.

Husband and I are speechless. We decided I am going to retain my maiden name for another 10 years. I am totally rendered incapable of dealing with them. The damage of canceling my ticket and re-booking a new one is $500 and I paid $1500 to get the original ticket. And then there is whole thing of dealing with travel agents in getting a new ticket. There are no tickets available for the entire month of December. I am sick and tired of it all and I feel like licking my wounds, just paying a penalty and not making the trip. Then I hear my parents’ voice over the phone and I realize I do miss them a lot and how much I would enjoy 2 weeks with them. We don't get to see each other all too often with 10,000 miles separating us.

I realize this has been a pity post and I don't mean to rain on my lovely readers' thanksgiving happiness, but this is how I have been feeling for the past three weeks. I haven't cooked everyday, house is a mess, and temper is short. I do feel better after I wrote this. Yesterday, in the midst of all my doom and gloom, I was blessed by the words of Amy Carmichael:


If I do not feel far more for the grieved Savior than for my worried self when troublesome things occur,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If stupid people fret me and little ruffles set me on edge; if I make much of the trifles of life,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

I wish I could say that it was bright and illuminating and I was completely okay after that, but if I did, I would be lying. But I did feel that there is indeed a lot I have to be thankful for. And that is what I am going to do. Be thankful.

And some Christmas decorating.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving y'all!!!

Teaching Woes

I teach Sunday school once a month at our church. I don’t like the fact that I have to miss preaching the day, but I think it is great fun and very rewarding. Take yesterday’s lesson for example.

The lesson was about Joshua and Rahab.

Me: And Joshua sent two spies…

Student 1: What are spies?

Student 2: Are they people who take kiev of you?

Me: What’s that?

Student 2: Take KIEV!!

Me: I don’t understand you sweetie…

Student 1: Take kiev as in taking kiev of a baby

(She shows gesture of holding a baby)

Me: I see… Taking CARE! Yeah, ok. NO, NO. Spies don’t take care of you.

Student 3: Do they steal stuff?

Me: No, they just watch what you do and report you to your enemies…

Student 3: What is report?

(When will I learn I am talking to 5 year olds?)

Student: So are they BAD people?

Me: Hmm, well…you know…not always

(I was the picture of eloquence)

Student one or the other: Then why did Rahab save them?

This is when I realize I probably should not be teaching Sunday school. At least not to 5 year olds who are much smarter than I am.

Genesis to Revelation - It's all good

I am on a read-the-Bible-in-a-year program. It goes continuously from Genesis on to Revelation instead of jumping from Jeremiah to Jude. I am currently on Mathew. We made some changes in our schedules and habits to make it happen.

Here I go with lists again. I think I will lose my entire readership because of all the lists.

• We changed Netflix subscriptions from 3 to 1. Also since hubby and I like different things, I changed the order such that I end up getting only 1 DVD at a time. Saves money AND time. I still have a fixation for one show a week and I do watch that for an hour on Tuesdays.

• Not having cable really helps. We do not have cable not because we are cheapskates and very holy people and think it is a tool of Satan, but because we are out of control. Although, the one on being cheapskates is debatable.

• I love to read. I read at least 15 minutes a day. Now I do not allow myself to read unless I finish my passages for the day.

I keep thinking that it should not be so difficult. But it is as Paul says in Romans: The good that I should do, I do not do. I do not always do the right thing, worse still I sometimes do not even WANT to do the right thing. I prayed before that I would be able to go through with it and so far I have been able to. Now I am excited about it.

I once studied the book of Hebrew. Studied as in really studied as for an exam…Dictionary, concordances, root meanings- I can only describe the experience as exhilarating. I then discussed it with some senior friends and they were excited for me as well. I always worried that I might not be able to grasp the meaning and I may read too fast when I go over 4-5 passages at a time. That has always been my problem with these programs. But God has been good to me. I really am seeing certain things in a whole new light. It is surprising seeing as I must have read the Gospel of Matthew at least 25 times. And I know it is only by the work of the Holy Spirit.

He really is one good Helper. All you need to do is ask.

And another thing was yesterday’s preaching. It was about Personal Bible Study. It was a further encouragement and I am thankful to the Lord. I will write about (hopefully soon) what I learned in a coming post.

Is this true?

I heard something today that made me concerned and upset. I have not heard anything about it and I was wondering if you did. I am at work and so cannot do an extensive search.

I heard today that some people want the law changed to give parents the right to kill their babies 1 to 3 months old if they are born with deficiencies.

IF this is true, I have only one thing to say, Lord please do not tarry.

Request

I hate going to the doctor. But God sure must have a sense of humor because in the past year I have had any number of doctor visits and at least 15 injections for various things. There is always something going on with me. If it is not one thing, then it's another. Life is never dull around here, that I can assure!

For almost one week I had been having trouble seeing out of my right eye. I kept waiting hoping that the blurriness would go away. Since it showed no signs of improvement, I finally took the plunge and saw a doctor. He did a lot of tests and all that, the details of which I will spare you all. The results show that I have a toxo infection in my right eye which is causing all this blur and haze. I can hardly see anything if I close my left eye. The doctor put me on an double strength antibiotic for 2 months and I have a follow up appointment in a week. And to top it all, I am having a busy time at work, especially since I had to take 1.5 days off. I have deadlines to meet, reports to finish etc which means I do have to spend time in front of the computer.

Since only one eye is working, my poor left eye is working overtime to compensate which causes a strain for me and gives me headaches if I spend too much time working. Doctor says it okay if I do my regular work, but I decided I am going to cut down. I am going to be on a blog reading and writing sabbatical for one week. I cannot prevent certain amount of computer usage-but I am taking frequent breaks and manage with the least I can get away with.

I am hoping that it would get better by the time I have my follow up appointment. Else, the doctor said he would need to put me on steroids. I have no medical knowledge to boast of, but steroids conjure up a negative image for me. And I would rather be not on them.

There is growth in pain. So much I learned in the past year. But the lessons are not easily learned. I am irritable because I cannot do the things I usually do with the same efficiency and productivity. I have to drive slower (peripheral vision), cut down reading. These things are not sitting well with me. I need a lot of grace this week.

So, this is my request. I know this is not a big deal in the bigger scheme of things-there are people suffering from devastating illnesses- But if you are a praying person, would you please remember me? I would truly appreciate your prayers for His will to be done.