Today I had a dental appointment in the morning. I left Neil with a friend. He cried and cried and was inconsolable, I am told. Finally, he cried himself to sleep and slept about until 5 minutes before I got there. He was in a good mood after the nap though. He had a good time running around everywhere talking to everyone and exploring all the rooms.
My dental appointment was a routine cleaning and they took X-rays. I apparently have a semi impacted wisdon tooth and the doc recommended me to an oral surgeon. When the hygeinist showed me a mirror I immediately told her that the tooth is partially impacted and knew that it won't be a easy extraction. She said only the doctor can make such a call and I kept quiet. When the dentist told me the same thing, I felt very smart. :)haha.
I came home and just felt very sleepy and slept for 1.5 hours. It was really nice except that I woke up with a headache. We went for a walk in the evening and I walked a mile and also did my c25k. Felt great about that. It is a bit chilly tonight and tomorrow, it is going to be more of the fun cold.
Now, here is something that bothers me. We have made a family decision at this time not to send Neil to daycare. He is at the age where he is really attached to the both of us and cries a lot when left with others. He is not going to be like this forever. He will grow up and be okay going to school and "socialize." For the love of God, he is only 16 months old. It really bugs me that I am told to drop him here, there, everywhere so that he will stop crying when left with others. I don't want to force myself or him into something both of us are not ready for. It is not like he is having a closeted life. We go out to playdates/storytime etc 2 to 3 times a week plus church. So yeah, this constant asking if he is in daycare yet does bug me. It is from a person I have a semi-fromal relationship with, so it is not even like I can really say anything much. Any advice?
7 comments:
Another friend of mine has had a similar problem, of being cold-shouldered for not participating in a twice-weekly mother's day out. With 3 kids, it is unaffordable for her. Not to mention, she just doesn't feel the need to 'have a break' for two whole days a week. But she's kind of ostracized for it.
I, however, am even 'worse.' I have zero intentions of doing story time at the library or etc, like both you and my other friend do. Outings like that deplete this introvert terribly. I just can't do them. So we will learn to socialize at church, when I get together with friends, and eventually at a homeschool group. Bah humbug! ;)
I get the daycare question a lot, too, because of Savannah not going to other people well. (She has her good days and her bad days - it's not consistent.)
Big pet peeve: when people call sending their kid to daycare or mom's day out programs as "school". Seriously? Are you just trying to make it seem more noble or necessary?
I'm so sorry about your tooth -- I hope you will get some relief soon.
As far as the childcare thing...that decision rests squarely upon you and not anyone else. I suppose you could thank your friend for her heart-felt advice and you will take it into consideration. Then go your merry way loving on your baby the way you see fit. ;)
There is a daycare we would drive by anytime we were out of the house. The children saw all of the tantalizing plastic climbing toys and asked if they could play there. After I explained the concept of daycare, the children readily agreed that they would much rather be home than for me to be working.
It wasn't a hard decision for me to stay home, but I know that it can be huge for many. There is a real tension in our culture on this issue...it's sad because there really doesn't have to be. I know you won't regret being at home. Of course there are days. :) But I am confident of the Lord's calling on my life as a wife and mother. Love you, my friend.
Elizabeth: Well, I am an introvert too, but apparently not as bad as you :)) Neil likes story time as there is no forced interaction. (that is what makes me nervous) We listen to stories, songs, puppet shows and I love it. And I am not a big fan of keeping him home all the time. Both he and I get cranky. :)
Ashley: I have seen a lot of people call MDO "school" too. haha. We might do that later on, but at this point we are perfectly happy the way things are :)
Hope: Thanks for the encouragement. The person who is insisting is *not* a friend and someone I can ask to stop bugging me about it (politely of course:D). So at this time, I am praying for grace not to get too upset.
My advice:
Them: You should really do *insert parenting decision here*
Me with a smile: Would you like some bean dip?
By "bean dip" I mean change the subject. I've seen this advice offered on the Miss Manners forum, breastfeeding message boards, and Etiquette #$%^ website and began implementing it a few years ago and was amazed at how it works.
You set a boundary without being unkind and usually it only takes a time or two of repeats for them to stop.
If this approach doesn't work or is inappropriate that a polite but firm "I feel uncomfortable discussing such a personal topic" should suffice.
There are a few people who will be miffed by both of these options but I've come to realize they have very poor personal boundaries and simply do not know how to react when somebody is not an open book. IME they will usually become offended and want nothing to do with you anymore so I suppose it all ends up working out for the best in the end.
IMHO one of the best gifts we can give to ourselves and our children is well-formed boundaries and the dedication to enforcing them. It's not always pleasant but it's for the best. I've been told I'm too nice for my own good and because of this have been burned many times. This week a nasty something arose and Sean & I had to set a boundary with somebody I thought was a friend. I cried about it and am still quite upset but considering this persona was disrespectful to my husband and displaying some concerning racism it was for the best. As Sean said we can't have people who have less than pleasant thoughts about asian people and culture around our biracial child.
Amy: I think that is a great idea. I think this is something I can actually try. I am totally going to do it. :)
I was going to comment when I first read this, but couldn't think of a concise way to express how crazy putting your child into daycare when you don't have to sounds!
My mom has told me that she put me into "school" when I was three because people were pressuring her too, similar to your situation, but she said she always regretted it because she missed that time with me.
I think if someone asked me why Isaac wasn't in daycare yet I would answer, "I'm so glad I don't have to do that. Our family has been really blessed."
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