It is hard enough to leave, but it is harder to let go.

"When the Man waked up he said,
'What is Wild Dog doing here?'
And the Woman said,
'His name is not Wild Dog any more,
but the First Friend,
because he will be our friend
for always and always and always.'" - Rudyard Kipling

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." - Unknown

I was no dog lover ever. I would love to pat them IF they are cute AND they are held by someone else. No ugly or free dogs for me. I did not like them sniffing me or God forbid licking me. And that was me 15 days before.

Before Buddy came into our lives.

Now would be a good time to come clean and confess that his name really is not Buddy. We called him that twice. Scratch that. My husband called him that twice. I did so only in this blog.

He was always Pappu to me. He looked like one and acted like one. He could never be anything else. Later on hubby also started calling him that. And then he would say "Oh, wait, I named him Buddy, I have to call him that."

Which is the reason why the poor animal never learned his name.

Now Pappu is no longer with us.

I had a hard time dealing with everything that was going on in the first few days Pappu was with us. He is a VERY energetic dog and gets destructive if we did not give him attention and let him run around free. He ate up all of our spare time, and that is something both of us don't have too much. After the first week, I started taking care of Pappu. I played with him, took him for walks, and cleaned after him and the house as well. It was a hectic time. I would sleep late and get up early so that I could take him out before leaving for work at 8:15am.

It was a hard thing to do especially for me who loves my sleep. Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I love my morning sleep. But the funny part is I never minded it. I would wake up without an alarm clock with the sound of Pappu scratching on his crate.

Two days after he came into our lives, R started getting sick. He was pretty stressed at work and we thought it was that combined with the lack of sleep which was making him sick. We went to two doctors and had medicines, but nothing worked. It just kept getting worse. It came to a point where he could not even breathe well in the night.

When none of the medicines worked for R, we started getting suggestions that it could be pet dander allergy. The more we thought about it, the more it seemed likely. We started keeping Pappu out in the patio and away from R and he seemed to be doing slightly better. There was nothing else that was new in the house. So we made the hard decision to find him a new home.

Those who read my first entry on him know that I got him as a birthday gift to R. I got him the gift two weeks early. We made the decision to give him up ON his birthday.

That is irony for you.

I cried for two days for him. I could not understand myself.

It has been three days since we returned him to the adoption center. The tears have stopped. I still wake up early in time to feed and take him out before leaving for work. Then I realize that I can sleep some more. It doesn't bring me joy. When I finally go down to make tea for hubby, I am greeted with the deafening silence.

He loved to climb up and down the stairs. He was terrified to do that when he first came to the house. That was his achievement and he thought that escorting us up and down was his job. He took his job very seriously. I almost feel his body touching my feet when I go up and down now.

He would come and examine all the bags when I get home from work. Now when I get home, I long to hear the pitter patter of his furry feet on the foyer tile. He was not allowed inside the kitchen, so he would lie down on the entry way and look at me doing my tasks.

Since he was with R in the morning, he would not leave my side once I got home. Imagine a creature so happy to see you that it has no idea what to do. That was exactly how he was. He would whine after showering me with affection.

The dog smell which I found annoying in the beginning is still slightly lingering. It brought me tears of frustration then, now it brings a lump to my throat.

The silver lining in this heartbreak is that R is doing much better. I console myself with that.

We are moving on. When I brought him home that Saturday afternoon, I did not know that there was such a high price to pay. But we bought love - unconditional loyal love for two whole weeks. Even with the heartache, if it were not for the allergies, I would do it again.

Whoever said you can't buy love did not know Pappu.